bayedsolid Chapter 354 The Record of the Heavenly Tang Dynasty's Cute Rhinoceros
Chapter 354 The Record of the Heavenly Tang Dynasty's Cute Rhinoceros
The live broadcast of the adorable baby An Ding Si has begun:
“Wow——!!!”
A crisp, piercing exclamation, loud enough to shatter a crystal goblet, accompanied by the tinkling of celestial bells. Our peaceful little fairy, dressed in her fairy gown crafted from the rosy light of the Weaver Girl Star and adorned with the tears of mermaids from the East Sea, bounced like a round, adorable little jade dumpling on the cloud-like steps and jade railings. Her exquisitely sculpted face was brimming with deep dimples, a smile sweeter than the celestial wine of the Jade Pool. In her hand, she swung her strawberry-scented fan (the fan ribs were made of warm jade from Kunlun, the fan surface of newly blossoming peach petals from the Peach Garden, imbued with the essence of thousand-year-old vermilion fruits from the Milky Way) rapidly, creating swirling pink, sweet-smelling stardust.
"Oh my!" Little Si Zi covered her mouth with her fan, her big eyes shining like two hidden little suns. Her voice was filled with childlike excitement as she transmitted her thoughts to all the celestial spirits who were "watching the drama": "This year's palace drama is simply a 'Nine Heavens Supreme Version of the Phoenix Throne Battle,' a hundred times more exciting than Sun Wukong's havoc in the Heavenly Palace at the Peach Banquet! My father, His Majesty Li Zhi, is so determined to 'change the Empress'—" She exaggeratedly gestured with her chubby little hands, "more resolute than the Milky Way turning upside down! More decisive than changing his cloud-dragon golden stockings!"
She tiptoed and pointed to the increasingly profound and reserved figure in the court officials below: "Look, look! Uncle Xu Shiji, the 'handsome young pork tenderloin brother' from back then, has been transformed into the 'mellow pork tenderloin uncle' in the blink of an eye after being nourished by the elixir of time! And, you know," she lowered her voice mysteriously, as if sharing a big secret, "Uncle pork tenderloin has secretly cultivated himself into a wise old fox at the level of a 'nine-tailed celestial fox'!"
"That day, when Father was surrounded by those old-fashioned celestial officials reciting the 'Tightening-Headband Mantra,' it was him!" Little Sizi imitated Xu Shiji's manner at the time, putting on a serious face and trying to appear calm and dignified, mimicking in her childish voice: "'Your Majesty! This is a matter within the imperial family, the universe has its own order, why should outsiders interfere?'—Listen to that! Listen to that! 'Family affairs'!" She burst out laughing, twirling on the spot, her skirt fluttering like a blooming fairy flower, "I almost laughed so hard I rolled off the cloud throne! In my heart, I was thinking: 'Uncle Liji! What's the difference between your logic and when I ask for an extra piece of candy and say 'My candy jar is my own business'?'"
She stopped, her little face flushed, but her eyes were incredibly sincere: "But you know~ I still like Uncle Tenderloin the most! Every time he comes to see me, he flicks his sleeve and either conjures up a singing moon-shaped sugar figurine or a little fairy pony that runs all over the palace. He's like a super-sized, magical playmate! He's much more interesting than those old gods who just have straight faces!"
Then, Xiao Sizi's cunning gaze fell on another minister, and she waved her small fan even more merrily, creating a strawberry-scented whirlwind: "And then~ guess what? That Immortal Master Xu Jingzong, he's really good at 'changing the concept of immortals'!" She imitated Xu Jingzong's way of stroking his beard and speaking eloquently, repeating in an exaggerated tone: "'Why should fellow immortals be so attached to appearances? Even a peasant in the mortal world, after harvesting three or five bushels of spirit grain, is still thinking about finding a more satisfactory immortal partner to warm his bed.'"
"Besides, aren't we, the supreme Heavenly Emperors who hold the heavens above and rule over the universe? The selection of an empress and a phoenix is a private matter, what business is it of yours?" Little Rhinoceros giggled, her big eyes curving into crescents. "Oh dear! Listen to this analogy! It makes the momentous event of 'changing the ruler of the six palaces and shaking the very fabric of destiny' sound as casual and self-righteous as an old man in the mortal realm returning a 'three-pack of immortal coupons' for a new one!"
She playfully gave him a chubby thumbs-up, "I really wanted to send him a telepathic message: 'Master Xu! Brilliant! Absolutely brilliant! Your 'heretical and fallacious theories of causality' have reached their pinnacle! You've definitely given my new mother (Wu Zetian) a boost on the ladder to heaven!'"
The 655th year of the Tian Shu calendar - A harsh and desolate winter
His Majesty Emperor Li Zhi, the supreme ruler of the Nine Provinces, displayed a decisiveness even more profound than that of the Northern Dark Abyss! With a single thought from his emperor, it was as if the guillotine of heaven had fallen with a deafening roar!
First and foremost was Si Zi's most trusted and reliable father—the late Emperor Taizong's chosen heir, Uncle Chu Suiliang, who upheld the court with his righteous spirit and unwavering loyalty! A decree of "Liu Xia's Exile," carrying the chilling force of frost and an invisible repulsive power, pierced through the celestial palace, instantly stripping Uncle Chu of the protective aura and imperial authority surrounding him. His celestial light dimmed, and he plummeted to the mortal realm, falling to the miasma-filled, remote Tanzhou, far from the capital, to become the so-called "local governor"—in reality, a prisoner banished to the desolate celestial desert.
"Waaah..." Little Sizi lay by the star-studded window, watching the dim light fade into the distance. Her little mouth twitched, and a rare, genuine sadness appeared on her round face. "My Uncle Number One... just like that, he's gone... I miss him so much!"
Of course, our mischievous little fairy Sisi wouldn't stay obediently in the palace wiping away tears. She stretched out her chubby little hand and precisely grabbed the cloud-patterned wide sleeve of her handsome, aloof, moon-like Zi'an brother (Li Shen, son of Emperor Taizong): "Zi'an brother! Come on, come on! Come with me to the 'Changsha Immortal Realm'!" Ostensibly a trip, but in reality, Sisi missed her banished uncle. In that "immortal realm," tainted by the dust of the mortal world, Uncle Chu Suiliang, though his immortal radiance was obscured, remained like a solitary pine tree. He would hold Sisi's little hand, guiding her with his fingers across the unfolded brocade book, leading her to comprehend the "Righteous Qi Scroll," containing the profound principles of heaven and earth. Even in Sisi's crooked handwriting, a hint of Chu Suiliang's style was revealed, her calligraphy skills greatly improved!
However, the wrath of Heaven is unpredictable, and thunder struck again! Uncle Chu's figure had barely warmed up in the lively atmosphere of Tanzhou when the even harsher "Flowing Clouds Order" arrived! This time, the destination was the legendary Guilin fairy mountain, said to be filled with ancient banyan spirits and shrouded in the mirages of the Li River.
"Wow! Guilin! I'm here for a trip!" Little Sizi cheered excitedly, pulling her brother Zi'an through the stunning peaks and clear waters, as if it were a truly carefree journey. She still sought out Uncle Chu to practice calligraphy, and amidst the ink-wash painting-like landscapes, her brushstrokes seemed to absorb the spirit of heaven and earth. However, the worry in Uncle Chu's brow and the way he gazed northward were even more profound than the misty rain of Guilin.
Later... even Xiao Sizi's spiritual eyes, capable of discerning star trails, hesitated. The end of her exile pointed to the desolate southern region beyond the Nine Heavens Barrier, a place permeated with bone-corroding miasma and the aura of barbaric totems—close to the legendary "Baiyue Wujiang" (Vietnam)! A place of exile whose name sounds tender and romantic, yet is so desolate and isolated that even the aura of immortals is as thin as a thread—Aizhou.
“Aizhou…” Little Sizi murmured, her dimples disappearing, and for the first time, a heavy mist, not belonging to a child, clouded her big eyes. “I…I dare not go…it’s too far and too scary…” She seemed to be able to feel, across endless time and space, that Uncle Number One, as imposing as a mountain, in that desolate place forgotten by the Heavenly Dao, his immortal essence exhausted, his soul like a candle flickering in the wind, finally fading away… An indescribable sadness choked her little heart.
In the same year, blood and tears flowed within the palace.
The once revered Empress Wang and the stunningly beautiful Consort Xiao, these two former "leaders of the six palaces," have seen their fates take a sharp turn for the worse, plummeting to the depths of despair! Their meticulously planned scheme of using "poisonous feathers" (or insidious curses) has been exposed, angering the Emperor. Two edicts, imbued with the power of stripping and cursing, decreeing eternal separation between mortals and immortals, have been issued with a deafening roar!
In an instant, the nine-feathered phoenix-patterned robes and shimmering pendants that symbolized their nobility shattered completely! Their immortal bones were stripped away, their divine status destroyed, and they were directly cast down from celestial concubines and goddesses in the highest heavens to "commoners," even lower than the lowest-ranking dust-sweeping immortals in the deepest palace! The invisible shackles of rank were as heavy as ancient black iron, pressing down on their spines as if they were about to break. Even the old tortoise spirit grandmothers basking in the sun and enjoying their grandchildren in the mortal villages had a leisurely and blissful life that these two former "supreme beauties" could only look up to with envy, living a thousand times happier lives than them!
Li Zhi's "Great Promotion in the Way of Heaven"!
Amidst this bloody and turbulent atmosphere, where the old forces were uprooted, Emperor Li Zhi pulled off a stunning "Great Celestial Promotion"! He bestowed upon Empress Wu Zetian, the second mother of the emperor, a super administrative secretary who was originally in charge of the "All Things Literary Pivot" and could be considered the "Head of the Heavenly Book Pavilion," an undeniable blessing from the heavens, elevating her to the highest level in one step!
Just seven days after deposing Empress Wang, the "Ceremony of the Mandate of Heaven" that shook both the mortal and immortal realms was completed! Wu Zetian, dressed in the Xuanhuang Crown Robe forged from the hearts and minds of the people and the essence of the sun and moon, ascended the Phoenix Throne, her power reaching to the heavens! Her ability to handle government affairs and documents had long surpassed that of a "discipline leader," elevating her to the position of "Grand Celestial Venerable of the Harem," who ruled the six palaces, assisted in the management of Yin and Yang, and wielded a portion of the power of the Heavenly Dao!
"Hehehe~" Witnessing all this, Little Sizi hid behind the dragon pillar, covering her mouth with her strawberry-scented fairy fan, laughing like a little fox who had stolen honey. Her big eyes curved into crescent moons, and her little mind was racing: "Wow! My second father and mother! You two are still the best! This supreme throne in the Nine Heavens Palace, after all the twists and turns, is still firmly held by the two of you! Awesome!"
The cute baby fairy's happy declaration:
The peaceful little fairy (blinking her big, round eyes that seemed to hold the entire galaxy, her rosy face adorned with a radiant smile so innocent it could purify any scheme or trickery, pouting like a little sprite who had just successfully mischievously used magic), she spread out her chubby little hands, a cloud materializing in her palm, and she seemed to sink into it, letting out a satisfied sigh:
"To be honest, this adorable little fairy rhinoceros of mine usually loves to stay in my grandma's 'Hundred Flowers Grotto Heaven' eating fairy fruits and playing with my spirit pets. Only occasionally does she hop out to the palace to find my second father and mother—"
Play a few rounds of "Heavenly Path Mahjong" with them, using "Zhou Tian Xing Chen" as the suit!
Brew a pot of Enlightenment Tea made with 'Moon Dew and Dawn', munch on 'Gossip Fairy Melon Seeds', and listen to them chat about the latest gossip from the Three Realms~
Oh dear, my simple life is wonderful!
It felt even more wonderful than soaking in a "Queen Mother's Jade Pool Special Honey Dew Bubble Bath"! So soft and sweet!
(She suddenly poked her little head out from the clouds, her big eyes sparkling, and announced the most "rebellious" truth in the softest and cutest tone.)
"Seriously! My peaceful life as a little fairy is a million times more comfortable than sitting on that cold, heavy throne of the Heavenly Emperor and the Phoenix Throne with my father, empress, father, and mother!!!"